this is not a post about hiking.
*Disclosure, these are thoughts and musings from my life from around 2013-2017. It’s been a wild ride and already a lifetime has happened.In 2013 I flew to Los Angeles to go stay with someone I barely knew in San Clemente, California, who kindly opened their home to me for a few days. Luckily my 19 year old, naivety and trust paid off and there was no "stranger danger" there. That was during a part of my life working in the Surf Industry.. I owe a lot to that time period of my life and a lot of learning experiences that have shaped me today.
A few months later I had the courage to spontaneously book flights to Hawaii with some close family. Learning that if you did enough research, you can fly somewhere for less than the cost of a big grocery shop. That was my first time experiencing the sweet smell of flowers and fruit after a tropical rain.
The Big Island, Hawaii. 2013.
First trip somewhere tropical.
Fast forward through my 20's struggling financially, working 5 jobs, serving full time, going to school full time, life lessons in relationships, recovering from a traumatic accident, learning do deal with PTSD, opening and closing my first business and getting evicted from my home.. Well it goes on.
The hard part about all of this, is I never stopped thinking about where I wanted to go next. What I wanted to see, experience, eat, learn.. My mind is always on the next flight or the next adventure. This restlessness has turned my stomach into this knot that only releases once I start to plan something new. The frustration at myself for not being able to accomplish anything outside of living pay check to pay check and living hand to mouth.
Solo hike, Deep Cove, North Vancouver, 2016
Something people don't talk about so much is being poor then slowly, slowly working your way out of the financial hell pit. Well, they talk about being poor and then HOW I GOT RICH WITH THESE 10 LIFE LESSONS.. This slow build to being in a place where one can do as they please is the most excruciating experience.
Everyone has to work to build themselves from nothing, what your nothing is all relative to another persons sense of "nothing". My nothing had more then what others might have had, I had a good foundation of a loving family. Money is still the biggest hardship in their lives and I have been privileged to work myself out of that pattern and build myself up, one inch at a time. But my parents, siblings, aunt and grandparents would have given me the shirt off their back if they could. The hardships of our childhood we rode out together, each wave would come crashing down and try to take away what little pieces my parents had scrapped together to give us a decent life. Growing up under the poverty line in Canada is very much real.
I am privileged to not have to rely on the food bank, I have a solid relationship, a home I can stay for as long as I want or I get to choose to leave if I want to. My family is healthy, relatively happy. We love each other and the financial struggles are still all too real, but they slowly aren't ruling us anymore. Money is slowly not ruling me anymore.
For the first time in my life I am; out of credit card debt, I have a good credit rating, I pay my student loans on time, I haven't been late for rent in over 4 years, I can go buy myself sushi right now If I wanted to. The best part, I can buy a plane ticket right this second.. Could I afford to pay rent and bills the next 3 months if I did that? Maybe, that part is still a work in progress.
Building slowly has been the most excruciating, frustrating process and the hardest thing I have encountered in my life. All the "bad" things, hard ship, even my accident, have not compared to having to inch my way to financial freedom.
One day, but that day is not today. But for now, I can keep hoping and believing that I will get there. Because without that, what else is there?
Side note, going through the photos of my past, there are far too many to share. Good moments, sad moments, moments I had forgotten along the way. It's been a rich 10 years in Vancouver, with a sprinkling of time in Squamish. My life changed dramatically in 2018 and I am so grateful for it. I do have a sense of peace now and a thirst for moving forward into the future.
Squamish, 2014
